NYC teen survives harrowing high school application process

A New York teen is re-learning to walk, speak, and be belligerent after surviving a traumatic NYC high school application process. Designed by gerbils on crack, the process is designed to ensure that students may attend any crappy public high school in the five boroughs rather than the crappy high school in their own neighborhood. It coincides with applications to the city’s specialized public high schools--the “elite” public schools attended by the city’s Asian community. As such, the process entails months of tests, open houses, tours, in-person interviews, and applications—under the guidance of harried parents, who have their own personal crap to deal with. Efforts to reach the teen were unsuccessful, as he was playing Minecraft and unwilling to answer the phone.

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